Purifying the Adolesent Heart

I must be 

just a drunken kiss for him

and for him

I don’t want to kiss him.
I want to kiss you.
Over and over again.

For the first time

someone can fix my mind

merely thinking

helps everything

Thinking about you too often

too much

But your smell

still lingers

and I feel closer to him through you

but you were beautiful

and I’m afraid you’ll be gone for good

and you barely know me

You are such a beautiful man and I was lucky to have you.
But then I lost you.

I was incredibly physically attracted to you. Honestly, I still am.

I hadn’t met anyone who I saw like that since
Until last night
And I mean nothing to him
But I felt something regardless
And it’s unfortunate because I hurt.
You don’t.

I have met someone.

And he looked like you, only better.

And talked like you, only better.

He had similar mannerisms

And the same smile as you.

And he liked me.

Even if it was just for that one night.

I’m not sure if I’d blame him if we never spoke again.

We’re in two completely different worlds

but I feel like it would be nothing short of a miracle if somehow

some way

the stars brought us together

merged our lives

and it might just work.

But for now, I’ll lose sleep over that one night.

Replaying

Replaying

Over

and over

And I wonder

is this how he felt

so uncomfortable with the idea that I wanted this forever

ignoring me

brushing me off

was it because of me?

I saw him.

And right then and there, I knew I had to fall in love with him

and be wrapped in love with him.

And he doesn’t exist in my world

But I know I have to love him.

It’s been so long since I’ve seen a man like him.

I’m going to love him.

I have thought of you very little.

Why

I don’t want to ask Why

I don’t feel empty, or strained,

I feel nothing. And it’s the greatest feeling I have had in months